I could have sworn once upon a time that not having a porch light on over Trick Or Treating meant “No candy” or “Not participating.”

Apparently, not any more.

We don’t participate in Halloween anymore, mainly because we’re working the Graveyard Shift and Trick Or Treating occurs when we’re more or less enjoying our morning coffee. Kind of like me showing up at their house at 6 or 7 in the morning.

Next, we never get enough kids over here to really make the whole process of decorating worth it.

We don’t buy pumpkins because the neighborhood streets pretty much get paved in orange once the real goblins come out. (Jodi tried growing pumpkins this year, all but the three she took up to the house were stolen.)

Finally, last several Halloweens we’ve gotten kids of the greedy variety:

• “Iwantthegreenone! - CanIhaveagreenone? - Iwantthegreenone! - Give-me-the-green-one!”
• “You don’t have like cool [good] candy, over there theyum-they have like ________!”
• Kid wearing a flowing-blood costume falls up stairs while too busy working the little squeeze ball. Never says thank you.
• 10pm, Mom is outside unplugging our Halloween lights. A van pulls up, and a bunch of unfamilair kids pour out and surround mom, asking for demanding candy. There’s no candy or bowl in sight. She’s out in the middle of the front yard.
• Little girl gets the standard 3 pieces of candy. Continues standing there, holding bag up. I awkwardly give her three more. Continues standing there.

And my favorite:

• “Oh, you have kitties! I wanna go in and pet the kitties!”

Even Luna gasped at that one. NO. WAY.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween. I adore the magic and whimsy of the whole holiday. I love cosplay and costumes. I still enjoy dressing up myself. Even my dog likes Halloween. I get a huge kick out of the little-little kids– just old enough to understand what they’re doing, but not so old that the greed hasn’t kicked in yet. Honestly, I feel they’re the ones who seem to genuinely “get” what Halloween is about.

Anyway, we refuse to give out candy anymore. Maybe that will change someday, but for now it’s not feasible.

We turned out porch lights out and closed all the blinds at 5pm tonight. We limited the number of lights on in the house.

And. They. Just. Keep. Coming.

Last one, Luna and I answered the door together. She barked ferociously, I barked “No Candy!” and slammed the door in their face. What’s more, it wasn’t a kid alone. The brat kid was brought to our house by his parents. No exterior lights on, no decorations.

So, every light in the whole house went out. Kind of hard to do much else other than surf the web, troll Gaia for lewt, and fume here at my blog.

Parents and Trick Or Treaters! Please: If there are no lights on, don’t knock!